Navigating the unstructured life (after graduation)
On a mountain bike ride with a couple friends last week, this subject got brought up in conversation.
We laughed about how after graduation, we’re left with no structure and no roadmap to navigate our adult lives.
It instantly sparked an idea in my head for this newsletter.
I had a lot of fun writing this one. It’s a bit longer but worth it. Hope you enjoy.
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If you don’t know what to do with your life, it’s because you’ve never thought about what YOU want to do.
You’ve only ever done what everyone else EXPECTED you to do.
Teachers, parents, friends, schools, peers, the media, society.
You’ve been going through the motions of the “structured life.”
Following all the information you’ve been fed your entire life.
But it’s not necessarily your fault.
You didn’t know any better.
You were just doing what you were “supposed” to do.
You were trying to follow the path that led to success.
And you haven’t yet realized that you have a choice:
- to follow your curiosity
- or to continue living within the preset path of the structured life
But where do you start?
The Preset Path
Our entire lives consist of rigid structure from birth until the age of ~18.
Most people go to school from ages 5 to 18, and then make a loose decision about what they want to do for “the rest of their lives.”
Throughout these early years, the structure remains fairly consistent.
School for 5 days a week. 2 day weekend.
And our goals, skills, and community are already defined. This provides a sense of structure and a feeling of security.
We already know “what we need to do.”
Goals consist of:
- getting good grades
- preparing for a good college
- building a resume and work experience
Skills revolve around:
- being good at standardized testing
- specializing in something that will attract a good job
- learning to think within “the box”
And community consists of:
- your classmates and peers
- your teammates
- your family
(I understand this isn’t the case for every person. Depending on where and how you were raised, this may not be the case for you. But this is the structure that MOST people in the US are born into — including myself.)
After being told what to do, how to act, what goals to aim for, and what to believe your entire life — you’re eventually left with a new sense of freedom.
And that sense of security you had is no longer there.
“You’re on your own.”
And although freedom is often a good thing — the lack of structure we all face in this stage of life leaves a lot of us questioning what to do.
After education ends, how do you go about navigating the unknown?
You must create your own structure, otherwise you’ll be stuck chasing someone else’s dream until retirement.
The Comforts of the Common Career
The most common way of rebuilding this sense of structure is to get a full-time job.
And it feels comfortable because most jobs:
- Follow a similar routine to school, aka what you’ve followed your whole life (work 5 days a week, with 2 day weekends to escape)
- Provide a goal for you to accomplish (and daily tasks to provide a sense of purpose)
- A community of coworkers (and a hierarchy of power — similar to the students/teachers relationship, you now have employees/management)
- A sense of security (with scheduled pay periods, and a purpose provided for you so you don’t have to develop your own)
And rather than “thinking for yourself,” you’re provided a goal to achieve each day and a purpose to accomplish as a company.
Now — this might sound great to some people.
You might be the personality type that craves structure and permanence.
Having to think for yourself is scary and intimidating. You just want to be told what to do and you’ll do it well — regardless of the “purpose” behind it.
But that’s not how I roll. Honestly, that’s never sat well with me.
I enjoy searching for the deeper meaning behind things — and one way to do that is to question the “unstructured life” that we are all required to navigate from ages 20 and on.
Because if you don’t… you’ll wind up trading your sense of insecurity (from the “unstructured life”) for working your entire adult life fulfilling someone else’s dream (because that was “easier” than betting on yourself and what you REALLY want to do with your life).
And not only does that just sound like a major bummer, it also starves the world of what unique offering you alone are able to provide.
“There are almost 7B people on this planet. Someday, I hope, there will be almost 7B companies.” –Naval Ravikant
Do what only you can do. That’s how you win.
Re-structuring Your Path: The Big 3
“No matter how strong of will a person has, no matter how much he may hate to lose, if it’s an activity he doesn’t really care for, he won’t keep it up for long.” –Haruki Murakami
If you’re reading this, you’re likely navigating these unstructured years yourself. (Aka you’re over the age of 20)
And there’s good news for you:
It’s never too late to begin thinking for yourself.
So how can you begin doing that? How can you begin taking control over your OWN goals, desires, and dreams?
No more being told what to do and how to do it.
You must begin thinking, researching, learning, and acting for yourself.
If you want true fulfillment and a freakin’ stoke-worthy sense of purpose — there is no other option.
You must seek YOUR stoke.
The unique things that interest you.
The unique things that only you can provide.
The unique experiences that you have lived through (and learned from).
Your story is unique for a reason — and that’s because it’s meant to be shared. No one else can say, do, or provide what you can.
It’s just a matter of navigating the unstructured life.
And to begin, you must reconsider/question the 3 things that were provided to you throughout your childhood:
- Goals
- Skills
- Community
First and foremost, let’s start with goal-setting.
1) Setting Goals for Yourself
As I mentioned earlier, your “goals” were pre-determined throughout a majority of your life.
- You were expected to get good grades
- You were expected to do well on tests
- You were expected to go to a good school
- You were expected to get a good job after school
But once these preset goals are now past you – most people are left feeling lost. They lack clarity for what to do next.
My free course the Content Clarity Crash Course helps you gain a sense of structure for what to do next. And if you’ve already taken that course, The Genius Journal is being built as a follow-up to the CCCC. Join the waitlist here.
Without a specific goal to be striving for, you’re left with that feeling of complacency and lack of growth.
And that’s because it’s so easy to forget about the importance of having something to look forward to.
We are all growth-oriented people. We crave improvement. And we want to be pursuing something worthwhile.
The feeling of purposelessness comes from the absence of a goal.
And on the other hand, having a feeling of purpose comes from the pursuit of something meaningful to you.
This is why I’m constantly reminding everyone to “seek their stoke.”
Because when you’re seeking your stoke (the thing you’re deeply excited about), it naturally results in a feeling of purpose.
The main takeaway here:
- Set an exciting goal that aligns with your vision for the future
Do your best to think “outside the box” on this one. The idea here is to set a goal that doesn’t align with what you’ve been “told to do” the majority of your life.
For example: Want to work for yourself, and not have to clock in from 8am to 5pm every day?
Great – your goal is to replace your work income with freelance income.
2) Building Your Skillset
The second thing to take control of is your skillset.
To continue with the goal mentioned above – you might not be able to begin doing freelance work if you don’t have a valuable skill (or skills) to offer.
As a result of modern education, most people are told to specialize in one specific thing. Although this may be beneficial for employees, if you want to work for yourself, you will be required to learn several skills.
If you want to freelance or build a business out of a specific skill you have, you will be required to learn:
- marketing (content creation + writing)
- sales
In addition to your “specialized” skill of choice.
Because you can’t find clients or customers for your business without marketing and sales. It’s as simple as that.
To take control of your own life, begin building your skill stack.
What skills are complimentary to the skill(s) you are already proficient in? This is a great place to start.
3) Curating Your Community
And finally, it’s important to curate the people you’re surrounded with.
One of the most difficult parts of the “adult life” is the lack of community after leaving school.
Your whole life you’re surrounded by hundreds of students your age. With this, you have camaraderie. You have teammates in sports. You have peers to collaborate with.
But once you graduate – you’re left having to cultivate this community on your own.
Unless you make the conscious effort to keep up with your friends, you’ll naturally begin drifting apart.
And even though we’re more “connected” than ever via social media, it feels more difficult than ever to connect with like-minded people in a genuine way.
Curating your community is a very important part of navigating the unstructured life. Because if you aren’t intentional about it, you can be left feeling lonely.
Fortunately, there are ways around this. And it is possible through social media.
- Find online groups of people with shared interests
- Comment, DM, and connect with people creating content in your field
- Begin creating content yourself – and like-minded people will gather
Eventually these connections can lead into friendships. You can collaborate with these people, share ideas, and discuss your shared interests.
If you feel you’re lacking community, just know you’re not alone.
There are others out there that feel the same way. And they would love to connect via common interests.
Surrounding yourself with people who build you up, believe in you, and push you to be the best you can be is extremely important.
Don’t sleep on this aspect of the unstructured life.
You need people – and people need you.
Build Something You Enjoy
“The great thing about entrepreneurship is you get to spend your time building something you enjoy. Most people don’t get to do this. They’re stuck in jobs they hate. I had the time of my life.” –Sam Walton
Despite what you might feel, you actually do have a choice once you get to the “unstructured” chapters of adult life.
Your path isn’t set in stone.
Your work-life fate isn’t decided.
You have more than one preset path to choose from.
It’s up to you to go out there and sail your own ship.
Set your own boundaries. Create your own structure. Question the default path.
Don’t resort to the deceiving comforts of the 9-5 grind.
Your sense of purpose will be found in the pursuit of your stoke, not the sense of security falsely hidden in the structured life.
Q: Are you following someone else’s path, or are you actively creating your own?
Happy Sunday – thank you for reading. It means a lot!
–Eric Pfohl
