Discover what you DON’T want

Feeling lost is the new norm.

Brain fog, lack of clarity, and indecisiveness are common traits most people possess.

A day off work is often worse than a day at work because you don’t know how to spend your free time.

Staying focused on a single task for an extended period of time feels impossible. Nothing seems exciting anymore – and you can’t decide why.

Because of this, you stick with the things that are familiar and never dare to explore outside the comfort zone.

Same thing day after day, week after week, month after month.

And though this routine can be a good thing (once you’ve discovered your stoke), staying on the same track is dangerous when you’re on the wrong flight.

So, how do you discover what you should be doing? How do you discover your stoke?

Seeking a Career: Expectation vs. Reality

I’ll admit…. “What do you want to do in the future?” is one of the most overwhelming questions someone can ask.

The 5-year-old version of myself wanted to be a “car fixer” when I was asked this question for the local newspaper.

(For the record, I have fixed a few cars in my life. My childhood-self would be proud!)

Most children are stoked to answer this question when they’re asked, and typically their answers are beaming with utmost confidence.

An astronaut!

A teacher!

A construction worker!

As we get older and begin to gain a deeper understanding for the world and how it works, this answer typically begins to shift to align with “reality.”

What we dreamed of being as a child may not pay the bills. Or maybe it isn’t a socially acceptable career. Or maybe it just doesn’t make sense to older generations.

The “safe route” is always going to be the easiest answer to share with others.

Go to school. Get a job. Get a promotion. Buy a house. Retire eventually.

But we’re living in a period where people are finally beginning to wake up and realize that the lives they’re living aren’t in alignment with what they always wanted to do.

The lives they were expected to live have taken over.

They didn’t want to spend $100k+ for an outdated education, but they did.

They didn’t want to get a monotonous job with a big corporation, but they did.

They didn’t want to live in the same city a majority of their lives, but they did.

Instead of doing what they always dreamed of doing – they fell victim to the expectations of society. Of social standards. Of the “safe route.”

And now they’re feeling more lost than ever, making that terrifying realization that they have yet to pursue the things that give them meaning, purpose, and the stoke to hop out of bed each morning.

But is it too late?

Creating an Anti-Vision (What do you NOT want your future to look like?)

Sure, there are the rare cases of people who know exactly what their goals are and are working diligently to reach that destination.

But what about the rest of us?

Not knowing what you want in the future creates feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.

If I don’t know what I want, how will I know what to do day after day?

After all, you can’t score without a goal. And not knowing what you want makes it hard to find satisfaction in the things you’re working towards.

Since discovering what you do want in life is such a rarity – here’s an exercise to flip that question on it’s head.

Anti-Vision Questions

Most people don’t know what they want in the future. But, most people know what they DON’T want in the future.

In most cases, it’s easier to define your fears than it is to define your desires.

So, what do you NOT want?

Pull out a pen and paper and answer these questions:

• What do you not want to look like?
• What do you not want your daily schedule to consist of?
• What kind of environment do you not want to work in?
• Where do you not want to live?
• How do you not want to spend your time?

This exercise puts the law of subtraction to work, making it easier to understand your own desires by defining your fears first.

It might sound too simple… but you can begin your meaningful journey by working in the opposite direction of the answers you’ve listed above.

For example – if you don’t want your daily schedule to be filled with pointless meetings, a fixed work schedule, and a boring office environment – begin seeking a job that provides flexibility and autonomy. As far as I can tell, starting your own business is the only real way to do this.

If you don’t want to be overweight and exhausted all the time – begin focusing on nutrition and fitness. Eat healthy and find a form of exercise that you’re excited to do a few times a week.

See where I’m going here?

Failure Leads to Clarity

This process takes time. Just as all good things do.

And an extremely important thing to note:

All of your experiences leading up to this point have NOT been a waste of time.

It’s necessary to discover what you DON’T want in order to understand what you DO want.

Have you worked a less-than-ideal job in the past? Or are you working there right now?

What things do you dislike about it? What do you wish was different about it?

Take notes of any and all things that you have come to realize you dislike about any aspect of life. Add these things to your anti-vision list.

Because once you’ve discovered what you don’t want, you can check that off the list and narrow your options of what things you actually appreciate.

I worked a 9-5 job for five years. To my 17-year-old self, it was my “dream job” as a professional photographer. I would have never guessed I’d be working there by the time I was 19.

Yet, from ages 19-24 I began to discover what I didn’t love about certain aspects of employment.

There were plenty of pros, and plenty of cons. But for me personally, the cons outweighed the pros – so I began to work in the opposite direction of the negatives.

I began to understand that long-term fulfillment and purpose wasn’t going to be found in that job specifically. I had to create it for myself by seeking my stoke and following the things that have always excited me.

That journey has led me to the path I’m currently on: Part-time work to pay the bills, and freedom to pursue creativity through writing and video creation.

Discover what doesn’t work for you, and then pursue your curiosity in another direction.

Takeaways for You

If you don’t know what to do:

Try any and everything you possibly can.

Apply for jobs. Work for them ~6-12 months at a time.

Constantly take note of what you like and dislike about every aspect of life.

Read books. Lots of them. Don’t choose a specific genre, but open your mind to new ideas in new categories.

Think about what you loved to do as a child or teenager. Have you done that thing in a while? What did you enjoy about it back then?

Seek new opportunities that will lead to new discoveries.

And most of all, continue to practice your craft daily.

You’re bound for breakthrough.

–Eric Pfohl